You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize