The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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