Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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