I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
