Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
