2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
