She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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