Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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