I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
