Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize