He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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