well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
