He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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