Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
