she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
