Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
