I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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