I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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