He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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