Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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