i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
