sorry about calling you the devil all night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize