Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
