the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
