sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
