I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
