I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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