dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
