We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
