Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
