No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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