you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
