new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I look excited, but its just a facade.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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