Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
