you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize