so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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