Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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