I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
