I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
