His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
