so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize