He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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