Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
