I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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