I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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