Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
