Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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