i need an iv and a liver transplant
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
