life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
