if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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