Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
