Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
