Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
