I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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