I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize