I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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