There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
