Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
