This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
