K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
