soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
