dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
