It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
